my parents got me the Art of Megamind book for Christmas and my love for this movie surged back with a vengeance! Sarcastic Roxanne is my favorite Roxanne.
Megamind flinched like she’d struck him, hands jerking from hers.
[…]
“Excuse me,” she snarled, eyes blazing as she looked down at him. “I don’t think I fucking said want, did I? No. I didn’t. I said need. You need to hear this right now, Megamind. So just this once, just this one time, you are going to have to listen to me say it.”
This part I had in mind for a while; I wrote it in several slightly different ways. Megamind and Roxanne have been dancing around actually confessing their feelings for a long time in this story, so I needed to make sure the moment of actual confession didn’t feel like a letdown, or like it was over too soon.
"I love you,” she said fiercely. “I love everything about you. I love how excited you get over things—you light up, did you know that? All my life, I thought that was just some stupid thing that people said, some silly made up meaningless cliche, but when you smile, Megamind, it’s like you’re shining, like you’re filled with so much happiness and enthusiasm that your body can’t contain it all, and god, watching you be happy is the best thing in the entire world.”
It is important that when Roxanne begins to list the things she loves about Megamind, she starts not with his intelligence—the only thing that he’s ever really valued about himself—but with his personality, which he has explicitly said that he does not value.
Remember when Roxanne told him that she’d never hated him, and said, that, since she’d never been afraid of him, there hadn’t been any reason for her to ever hate him. Megamind said, “I would have thought my personality would be sufficient reason”.
Roxanne opens her list of the things she loves about him with his personality.
"I love your mind,” Roxanne said, forehead still pressed to his, “I love the way it works, the things you create—I know I tease you about the giant robot thing a lot, but seriously? The technology that those involve is absolutely off the charts incredible. And that’s nothing compared to Minion’s suit—it’s a neural interface, isn’t it—a neural interface! My god, Megamind! And the brainbots—”
[…]
“God, the brainbots are amazing! They’re cyborgs, right? Canine brain tissue, obviously, and also clearly a lot of artificial intelligence, because they’re much smarter than ordinary dogs, capable of understanding complex instructions and concepts—oh, and the de-gun! The de-gun is fantastic; the one you made me is literally my favorite possession, and I love it and I love you; I love you so much.”
Roxanne talks about his mind next, and goes into detail about how much she actually appreciates his inventions, a thing that he has wanted for a very long time.
"I love how brave you are,” Roxanne said, “Because you are brave, Megamind, even though you don’t think so; you are so brave—and I love the way you never give up, not ever, even though—even though I know you—I know you wanted to, sometimes. There is a—a core of strength to you that refuses to be conquered, and I am absolutely awe of it, all right?”
Roxanne, in canon, says that Megamind’s refusal to give up is his best quality. Of course tells him how much she values it in this fic, too—especially since he’s told her earlier that he considered giving up and committing suicide when he was younger, but did not.
"And I love your heart,” Roxanne said. “You are so good, Megamind. You have such a good heart. I love you so much.”
Roxanne ends her list with his heart, which gives emphasis to it—Megamind has thought for a long time that he is a bad person; that he’s ‘bad at heart’. Roxanne explicitly denies that view here.
"I love you,” she said, “and I know you don’t love me back, Megamind, and that’s all right. It is entirely all right; you don’t need to feel—bad or guilty about that. Just—just let me love you, okay? Just let—let yourself be loved.”
It’s very important to both of them that the other does not feel pressured about their relationship in any way—not just sexually, but emotionally, as well. Megamind, remember, at the beginning of the chapter, was afraid that Roxanne was falsely claiming she loved him because she felt pressured to make him feel better.
She reached out to touch her fingertips to his face, softly, gently, like he was something delicate and precious and rare.
And—
And Megamind—
Megamind—
Megamind believed her.
The idea of Roxanne loving him is so difficult for Megamind to believe that he really needed this long speech from Roxanne for him to accept it.
Roxanne felt the tears in her eyes spill over
[…]
"—oh,” Megamind said, “oh, Roxanne—sweetheart, no. Roxanne, I’ve been in love with you for years.”
Megamind uses Roxanne’s term of endearment for him here; he calls her sweetheart. Megamind doesn’t use endearments very often; the fact that he does, here, is significant, as is the fact that he uses sweetheart specifically. Megamind has felt, up to this point, that Roxanne is the stronger, more self-assured one. He always finds it comforting when she calls him sweetheart.
This is the moment where he begins to see that Roxanne is not so confident as she appears, and that she needs him to comfort her, too. And so he instinctively calls her sweetheart, as she would call him.
"Shh—oh, Roxanne, I’m so sorry,” Megamind said, “I—I thought you knew. I never meant to make you cry; I’m sorry; I’m so sorry; I love you; I love you so much.”
Roxanne tightened her fingers in the material of Megamind’s shirt and pressed her face to his chest and cried.
“No,” she sobbed, “no you d-don’t, Megamind; you c-can’t—”
“Shh; I do; I told you; I’ve loved you forever,” he said, holding her tightly. “Forever, Roxanne; I’m so sorry—”
Roxanne made a soft, wounded noise.
“—oh, Roxanne, I’m so sorry; I’m so sorry; don’t cry—
"T-tell me—” she managed to say, “—tell me again—”
Megamind pulled her even closer.
“I love you,” he said.
She felt him pressing kisses to her hair.
“I love you I love you I love you,” he murmured almost feverishly.
He leaned his cheek against the top of her head.
“I love you; I love you—”
“—k-keep saying it?” Roxanne begged in a small, fragile voice.
“I love you, Roxanne, I love you completely. I love you so much—”
“—p-promise?” Roxanne whispered, voice trembling.
“I promise,” Megamind murmured, “Oh, Roxanne, of course I love you. Of course I love you; how could I not—you’re perfect—I’ve loved you forever; I’ve loved you for years; I think I fell a little in love with you, the very first time we met—”
He pulled away enough to brush their lips together, and then leaned his forehead against hers.
“I love you,” he said softly. “I love you Roxanne.”
Megamind’s confession of love, although emphatic and passionate, does not go into detail of why he loves Roxanne, as her confession went into detail about why she loves him. This comes back to bite them later.
"How could you not know that?” she murmured, putting her hand atop his and leaning her face into his touch. “I told you I loved you weeks ago, Megamind; how could you not—”
Megamind’s eyes went wide.
“You—you meant that?” he asked. […] I—I thought—I mean, you—you t-told me that you’d do anything I asked,“ Megamind said, flushing, "a-and I asked you to—to tell me that you loved me…so I thought you were just—playing along…”
[…]
“—I thought you just needed to hear someone say it […] —was going to tell you that I did mean it, in my room afterwards, but you stopped me—”
“You were—? I—I thought you were going to tell me that you hadn’t meant it; I thought you were trying to let me down easy […] I thought—but you said it didn’t have to matter, it didn’t have to matter that we didn’t feel the same way—”
“Oh my god, Megamind, I was talking about my feelings for you!” Roxanne said. “I meant that you didn’t have to feel pressured or guilty about—oh my god, we are—such a goddamn catastrophe; how could we both be so—so fucking stupid—“
I was concerned that people might find the re-cap of all of Roxanne and Megamind’s misunderstandings boring, but I think I managed to keep it interesting with the additional information about their physical descriptions. And Roxanne and Megamind really did need to go over them; the readers knew what each of them were thinking during the misunderstandings, but Megamind and Roxanne did not.
"Ah—I mean—I think we were both—” he kissed her jaw, “—mmm, working under a confirmation bias?” he kissed her forehead “—it’s where you—” he kissed her chin “—end up interpreting all the new data you get as—” he kissed her lips, “—as supporting the conclusion you’ve already previously come to.”
“…and you had already decided that there was no way I could love you […] so you ended up twisting everything that happened in your own mind so that it fit that conclusion,” Roxanne continued. “And I’d decided that there was no way that you could love me, so I wound up doing the same thing…”
Confirmation biases are sneaky, dangerous things; I struggle with them myself. That’s why they’re such a big theme in my work.
Roxanne laughed; Megamind smiled at her a little bemusedly and gave her an inquiring look of his own.
“You,” she said, “you would have an explanation for this—complete ridiculousness—that involves science!”
Megamind laughed, too.
“Well, yes,” he said, “it’s me.”
Roxanne kissed him.
“Yeah,” she said softly, when she pulled away. “It is. And I’m—I’m so glad.”
Megamind leaned in to kiss her, one hand cupping her face and the other slipping around her waist as she wound her own arms around his neck and kissed him back. One of her hands went to the back of his head, sending a jolt of pure pleasure all the way down his spine. He made a soft noise into the kiss and tightened his arm around Roxanne, pulling her closer, all the way into his lap, now.
The moment when a conversation turns into foreplay—it’s always important to make it feel gradual and natural and not abrupt.
Megamind gentled the kiss into a series of smaller kisses, until their lips were just brushing together lightly, and then he moved away to hook his fingers beneath the waistband of her sweatpants. She lifted her hips to let him pull them off of her.
“God,” he said, looking at her.
Roxanne grinned at him.
“The socks really complete the look, yeah?” she said.
Megamind laughed and lifted one of her feet, pulling the sock off and tossing it aside. He pressed his lips quickly to the arch of her bare foot.
“Absolutely,” he agreed.
“Dork,” Roxanne said affectionately, toes curling.
He grinned at her and pulled off her other sock.
I tried to find a way to make the removal of her socks not awkward, but it didn’t work—so I went ahead and let it be silly, which turned out to work better anyway, I think. It feels more natural and gives the scene a touch of light happiness.
Megamind went up on his knees, hands going to the waistband of his pajama pants. He paused for a moment, hands going still, and Roxanne looked inquiringly into his face, wondering if something was wrong.
To her delight, though, he bit his lip and gave her a coquettish look from beneath his lashes, his thumbs stroking over his own skin, just atop the line of fabric.
“What a beautiful tease you are,” Roxanne said, and his face lit up at the praise.
Knowing that he’s loved by Roxanne makes Megamind so much more confident.
“Come here, sweetheart,” Roxanne said, smiling at him, and Megamind did.
And oh—it was even better like this, fully naked, all of their skin pressed together as they kissed and kissed and kissed.
[…]
“Yes—oh, yes—” she said, hands stroking his face, his ears, then going to cup the back of his neck, “yes, Megamind, sweetheart, yes; you’re—ah—so amazing; you’re so good; I love you so much—I’m so happy, Megamind.”
“Please,” he begged, “please, Roxanne—tell me that you love me, Roxanne, please—”
Roxanne kissed him, hard and deep, then pulled away to look into his face again. She smiled.
“Of course I love you, Megamind,” she said, looking into his eyes, “Of course I do.”
This sex scene is the first one in which Roxanne and Megamind know their love is mutual; it needed to be different from the other times they’ve had sex—softer, more joyful, more sensually romantic.
Roxanne let her eyes slip shut, shifting to a more comfortable spot on their shared pillow. Megamind’s fingertips trailed up and down her hip slowly.
“—oh,” he said quietly. “Oh, I—I figured it out.”
Roxanne opened her eyes and turned so she could see his face.
“Figured what out?” she murmured.
“What the pattern of freckles on your hip reminds me of,” Megamind said. “I knew it reminded me of something, but I could never think of what, before. But—it’s—there was a constellation.”
I wanted Megamind to talk to Roxanne about his planet, and having the conversation here definitely demonstrates their emotional closeness, but I didn’t want the scene to be sad. Having Megamind talk about the constellation gave me a chance to have him share the good things about his time on his planet, rather than just the traumatic parts.
"Ssshsss—Roxanne-alte—”
He pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair.
“Roxanne-alte?” she said, stroking his back soothingly, “…If Alte-re was a goddess, wouldn’t that be blasphemy, Megamind?” she added, trying to keep her voice light.
“Probably, but I don’t care,” Megamind said, voice muffled. “I’m also not completely sure if the sentence structure works, but I don’t care about that, either. It means brightest. And that’s what you are, Roxanne.”
This wouldn’t actually be blasphemy; Megamind just assumes it would because of his earth upbringing. The M’ega didn’t think about blasphemy like that; comparing someone to a deity wouldn’t be disrespectful to the deity. Calling her Roxanne-alte doesn’t indicate worship, but only adoration.
"I thought about it, you know,” he said, “building a spaceship. Around the time of the whole—crop circles obsession. Minion and I discussed the possibility of—leaving earth to look for other people. But like I said, in a universe the size of this one…we could fly for a thousand years and never find anyone at all.” He gave her a slight smile. “Spending an entire lifetime alone in space with just me for company…”
It really does seem interesting to me that Megamind, in canon, chose to remain on earth, and in Metro City. Surely he must have thought about leaving, and decided not to.
"I couldn’t ask Minion to do that. And I considered the idea of rigging up something like hypersleep chambers for us—based on the dehydration technology, programming it to wake us automatically from time to time. But even then, and even if I figured out a faster-than-light drive…there’s still no guarantee that we would ever find someone. And I didn’t like the idea of—being so vulnerable, during hypersleep. So that plan never really went anywhere. And—so. I…never went anywhere, either.”
“I’m sorry,” Roxanne said.
Megamind smiled at her swiftly.
“I’m not,” he said. “I haven’t been, for a while. Not—not since I met you.”
This is one of the things he says that, later, Roxanne interprets as him saying he fell in love with her at first sight. But he really didn’t fall in love with her at first sight. What he felt upon meeting her was that she was interesting and exciting and different from everything else. Which made her important to him immediately, although not immediately in a romantic way—without sufficient mental and emotional stimulation, Megamind’s brain starts to turn on him; he gets not just bored but also depressed, self-destructive, and filled with self-hatred.
Roxanne has always challenged him intellectually, which makes her interesting, and she’s not afraid of him, which makes her exciting, and she teases him and talks back at him and treats him like he’s a regular person, which makes her different.
People tend to treat Megamind as though he’s either frightening or beneath them—or both. Quite often, it’s both. Even people who are a part of his criminal underworld treat him with a kind of respectful distance (which he often misreads as fear and dislike, even when it isn’t).
Roxanne treats him as if they are equals—as if it has never occurred to her that they would be anything but equals. It made her fascinating to him right from the beginning.
“I can’t believe you didn’t know I was in love with you, Roxanne,” Megamind said, brushing her hair back from her face, his expression so soft and filled with adoration that it took Roxanne’s breath away. “I love you so much. There aren’t—words or concepts sufficient to describe the way that I feel about you.”
Again, this is very passionate, but it isn’t specific, and the non-specificity of it comes back to haunt Roxanne later.
Megamind laughed.
"Me, too,, yes, with the—possibility of more crying,” he said. “And sleep sounds good. You’ll—you’ll stay, right? You’ll stay with me? I—I want you to be here when I wake up, Roxanne; I want— to see you in the morning. I always—I always want to see you in the morning.”
“Of course I’ll stay,” Roxanne whispered. “I’d love to stay. I always—you—you can always see me in the morning, Megamind.”
Megamind has thought, before, remember, that having the chance to see Roxanne in the morning is an absolutely fantastic gift—but he never vocalized that to her. Knowing that Roxanne loves him has given him the confidence to ask for what he wants.
Roxanne let her own eyes drift shut and listened to his breathing even out and deepen as he slipped into sleep.
She smiled to herself, eyes closed, lying in Megamind’s arms. He loved her.
Roxanne felt giddy—like she was floating, or falling, or drunk on champagne—incredibly tired, but too happy to sleep just yet.
We have, here, a hint that Roxanne isn’t so sure of Megamind’s love as he is of hers: floating or falling, she says—falling isn’t a stable or safe feeling.
Megamind—god—Megamind was in love with her.
Roxanne held that thought up in her mind like a delicate glass bubble, admiring the way it shone.
Another hint—the description of her belief in his love as resembling a delicate glass bubble.
He thought she was perfect; he called her by the name of a goddess and found stars on her skin and he loved her and—
(perfect)
The thought was like picking up a rose and being pricked by a thorn.
An unexpected hurt from something you thought was beautiful.
Of course—of course he didn’t really think that she was perfect. Not—really. That would be—unreasonable and an—an unsustainable illusion—she’d never be able to maintain the —
And Roxanne’s brain takes Megamind calling her ‘perfect’ too literally. We learn, later, that she doesn’t see herself as worthy of love, that she thinks she is, fundamentally, not good enough in some way.
She was being ridiculous; she was falling into another—what had Megamind called it?—a confirmation bias. She was just falling into a confirmation bias, but she was wrong, because he did love her; he said so, he said—
She is, in fact, falling into a confirmation bias.
That’s the thing about having mental health problems. You can know all the terms and signs, but when it’s actually happening to you, it’s hard to apply the theoretical knowledge to reality.
(—that you were perfect, and you know that you’re not perfect; you’re just ordinary. he’s built you up in this mind to be this flawless goddess—)
(Roxanne-alte; no no—)
(—but you’re not anything like perfect, and when he finds out—)
Again, Megamind’s descriptions, thus far, of his love for Roxanne, have been passionate but abstract. So Roxanne can’t believe it, because she has a confirmation bias that she is fundamentally unlovable. She’s going to need concrete details before she can believe it.
Stop it, Roxanne told herself, stomach dropping, heart twisting around the sudden sharp pain. Stop thinking like that. He loves me; he does—
How long do you think it’ll take, for you to fall off of that pedestal he’s put you on? her mind asked, the voice relentless, remorseless, and so very reasonable. Months? Years? Maybe you’ll get really lucky and he’ll marry you before he figures it out.
Stop, oh, stop—he didn’t have her on a pedestal; he didn’t.
(of course I love you; how could I not; you’re perfect)
No
(perfect)
No. Why couldn’t she be happy? Why couldn’t she just be happy?
(because you know it’s not real, that horrible, reasonable voice said.)
It was real!
He loved her. He hadn’t put her on a pedestal, his talk of goddesses and perfection notwithstanding. Megamind knew her; Megamind had known her for years—
(I think I fell a little in love with you, the very first time we met—)
Again, this was him trying to explain how fascinating and exciting she was, how much he liked her immediately, but Roxanne’s mind interprets it in the worst possible light because of her confirmation bias.
What was it you thought he saw in you? asked the reasonable voice. You were the first person to show him kindness; you’re reasonably attractive, reasonably intelligent—nothing compared to him, of course, but clever enough to be entertaining. He was lonely, he was desperate for affection, desperate for someone to love, and you?
You happened to be there.
THE REASONABLE VOICE. SHE CALLS IT THE ‘REASONABLE VOICE’.
You remember what Megamind said, about his near brush with suicide?
“The thing I remember most is how reasonable it seemed.”
That’s one of the worst things about the voice of self-hatred—it sounds so logical and reasonable.
So be happy now, Roxanne, by all means, be happy while you can. He’ll figure it out, sooner or later.
Sooner or later, he’ll realize that he doesn’t really love you.
Shut up, Roxanne thought, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. Shut up; shut up; he loves me; he does—he does—
The voice was silent.
Roxanne opened her eyes.
No. No, the stupid confirmation bias voice was wrong. It was wrong.
Megamind loved her. He did.
He loved her.
But somehow, the thought didn’t seem to shine as brightly as it had, before.
Roxanne lay awake for a long time, staring blankly at nothing, but, last, without noticing, she slipped into sleep, and into fitful, broken dreaming.
Roxanne is fighting to try and believe that Megamind loves her—she tells herself again that it’s a confirmation bias, repeats to herself that he loves her. But in the end, she can’t believe it. She doesn’t love herself, and she doesn’t see how anyone else could, either.
setepenre-set 