Pairing: Megamind/Roxanne

Rating: M (for sexual content and language)

Roxanne calls time-out on Metro Man Day, interrupting Megamind’s Death Ray plot before it even begins. Her original plan is a single, casual hook-up with her annoyingly attractive supervillain. But Megamind, Roxanne comes to realize, matters to her a lot more than she would care to admit—and she also comes to realize that he’s not really very happy as a supervillain. Clearly, it’s time for Roxanne to come up with another plan…

AO3 | FFN | chapter 26

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Brainbot 228 disengaged from the interface. For a long moment, Zero simply sat on the generator, eyepiece shutter half closed. 228 hovered nervously. Had they sent too much information during the interface? Was Zero annoyed? 228 had very much wanted to give proper context for Designation: Roxanne Ritchi’s request for footage of Daddy being nice.

And it seemed to 228 that the alterations in the behavioral patterns of Roxanne Ritchi and Daddy towards one another had begun the day that Daddy had cancelled Operation: Death Ray. That had been the day that 228 entered Roxanne Ritchi’s apartment with Minion to find Daddy and Roxanne Ritchi and Metro Man all there, with Daddy and Roxanne Ritchi in a curious state of undress.

So 228 had sent all of their auto record footage of Daddy and Roxanne Ritchi’s interactions, starting with that day. But perhaps it had been too much?

228 gave a midair jump of startlement as Zero suddenly began to laugh, their mindvoice rippling with amusement.

“Bowg?”

[ /inquiry ] [ ? ] 228 said [ does zero comprehend parameters of request by designation: roxanne ritchi ] [ ? ]

[ mommy ] said Zero, firmly, but with a tinge of amusement still in their mindvoice.

[ /inquiry ] [ ? ] [ confusion ]

[ designation: roxanne ritchi ] said Zero [ status update: mommy ]

228 blinked their eyepiece in bewilderment.

[ incorrect ] they said, hovering anxiously, worried that Zero might take offense. [ designation: roxanne ritchi status update: daddy’s partner ]

Zero made an impatient move with their eyestalk, electricity in their branches crackling.

[ zero is aware of update status code change authorized by daddy ] she said [ zero is authorizing own code update ] [ zero suggests status change upload to mindcloud ]

[ /inquiry ] [ ? ] [ /confusion ] [ ? ] [ /concern ] [ ! ] [ 228 is not understanding proposed status change code update ] [ 228 is not understanding relation of proposed status change code update to request of designation: roxanne ritchi request for footage ]

[ 228 is not understanding anything ] Zero said caustically.

228 lowered their eyestalk submissively and dropped down in the air to hover lower than Zero.

[ but zero is understanding ] Zero said, clearly relenting. [ zero is cleverest ] [ zero will be explaining ]

[ ! ]

[ 228 will be sitting next to zero now ] said Zero.

[ !!! ] [ /excitement ] [ ! ]

228 flew down to rest on the generator a respectful foot away from Zero, eyestalk held up attentively. Zero made a low, continuous mechanical whirring sound of pleasure.

[ designation: roxanne ritchi and daddy are romantic pair bond ] Zero said. [ 228 is understanding ] [ /inquiry ] [ ? ]

[ /denial ] 228 admitted. [ /apology ]

[ /request interface ] said Zero.

[ ! ] [ request interface accepted ] [ ! ]

The low, continuous vibrating sound Zero was making increased slightly in volume as they connected with 228 again.

[[ romantic pair bond ]]

Zero said, into the interface.

A series of images flickered through 228’s circuits—clips cut from some of those old movies daddy liked, black and white footage of a pair of organics pressing their lips together, followed by clips of daddy and designation: roxanne ritchi doing the same thing.

[[ kissing ]]

Clips from the films again, more paired organics, pressing their lips together with greater urgency and beginning to remove each other’s clothing before the screen faded to black. Zero followed these by a clip of daddy and designation: roxanne ritchi, one that 228 had sent her in the previous interface, of the two of them in roxanne ritchi’s apartment in that odd state of undress.

[[ sex ]]

Film clips again—paired organics sitting next to each other, holding hands, talking with their heads close together. Then clips of daddy and designation: roxanne ritchi doing the same things.

[[ companionship ]]

Clips of paired organics laughing together, running towards one another, embracing, then a video from earlier this evening, taken right after designation: roxanne ritchi had made her request to 228, when roxanne ritchi had run into daddy’s arms and he had spun her around and kissed her.

[[ in love ]]

Zero said, and ended the interface.

[ romantic pair bond ] Zero added. [ 228 is understanding ] [ /inquiry ] [ ? ]

[ …processing…] 228 said. [ request clarification: daddy loves brainbots ] [ /inquiry ] [ ? ]

[ /affirmation ]

[ daddy loves designation: roxanne ritchi ] [ /inquiry ] [ ? ]

[ /affirmation ] Zero said. [ < in love > is subset of < love > ]

[ …processing… ]

[ daddy’s code update status change ] [ designation: roxanne ritchi status: daddy’s partner ] Zero said. [ in love + partner = romantic pair bond ] [ designation: roxanne ritchi status update: mommy ]

[ …processing… ] 228 said, then asked [ designation: roxanne ritchi is in love with daddy ] [ /inquiry ] [ ? ]

[ /affirmation ‘ [ partner status update + behavioral analysis indicates pair bond is mutual ]

[ designation: roxanne ritchi loves daddy ] 228 said, becoming more confident.

[ /affirmation ]

[ designation: roxanne ritchi loves brainbots ] [ /inquiry ] [ ? ]

[ /affirmation ] [ must love brainbots ] Zero said complacently [ loves daddy ]

228 made an uncertain noise and Zero narrowed her eye shutter.

[ observe designation: roxanne ritchi more closely ] [ status update activation pending upon results of observation ] Zero said.

[ /relief ] said 228 [ /admiration ] [ zero is cleverest ] [ zero’s plans are best ]

The vibrating whirr Zero was making increased in frequency again.

[ 228 is not un-clever ] she said, then added [ 228 may be coming closer to zero now ]

[ ! ]

228’s eye shutter widened to its utmost. They lifted themself up into the air and flew closer to Zero, then very carefully lowered themself to rest beside the other bot.

[ 228 is always greatly admiring zero ] they said, looking up at her.

[ zero is accepting admiration ] zero said, looking down tolerantly at 228.

Shocked at their own boldness, 228 tilted their braincase so that it rubbed against Zero’s, the electricity in each arcing together in a pleasant way.

[ /affection ] 228 said shyly.

To 228’s great astonishment, Zero tipped her own braincase and rubbed it over 228’s in return.

[ zero is accepting affection ] she said.

228 felt a strong impulse to wriggle with delight, but curbed it, not wanting to jostle or annoy Zero.

[ /inquiry ] they said [ romantic pair bond daddy and designation: roxanne ritchi relating to footage request how ] [ ? ]

[ request is part of designation: roxanne ritchi’s plan ] Zero said.

[ 228 is not understanding plan ] they admitted.

[ designation: roxanne ritchi loves daddy ] Zero said. [ wants to make daddy happy ] [ mindless drones think daddy is evil ]

[ daddy is Evil ] said 228.

[ daddy is Evil ] said Zero [ daddy is not evil ] [ difference ] [ Evil is loud / presentation / fun ] [ evil is mean / bad / harming ] [ mindless drones think daddy is evil mean / bad / harming ] [ have to fight metro man ] [ have to be put in prison ] [ have to be scary ]

[ /understanding ] 228 said.

[ it makes him sad ] Zero said.

228 blinked their eye shutter.

[ /confusion ] 228 said tentatively voicing an objection [ daddy laughs / smiles / expresses happiness about battles with metro man ]

[ daddy’s emotional matrix is organic ] Zero said. [ complex ] [ small happiness on top ] [ big sadness underneath ] [ always ]

[ always ] [ ? ]

[ always ] Zero said.

[ distress / concern ] [ ! ] maintenance / repair daddy ] [ ! ]

[ maintenance / repair mindless drones ] [ ! ] said Zero, the electricity in her braincase beginning to dance rapidly. [ maintenance / repair metrocity ] [ ! ] [ maintenance / repair world ] [ ! ]

[ /inquiry ] [ ? ]

[ nice footage of your daddy ] [ nice footage ] [ videos of your daddy being nice ] Zero repeated from Designation: Roxanne Ritchi’s request. [ daddy is nice ] [ daddy is good ] [ daddy is helping metrocity ] [ designation: roxanne ritchi will show them footage ] [ make them understand ] [ make them see ] [ designation: roxanne ritchi’s plan is maintenance / repair world ]

[ !!! ] [ /cancellation: have to fight metro man ] said 228 excitedly [ /cancellation: have to be put in prison ] [ /cancellation: have to be scary ] [ ! ]

[ /affirmation ]

[ daddy will be happy ]

[ /affirmation ]

[ !!! ] [ nice footage of daddy videos of daddy being nice ] [ /inquiry ] [ search parameters ] [ ? ]

[ nice is helping people ] [ nice is being kind to people ] [ nice is being good to people ] Zero said, then added [ 228 will call all other bots ] [ /request swarm interface ] [ zero will be queen ]

[ /affirmation ] [ ! ]

---

Roxanne was still asleep when Megamind woke up. Which wasn’t really terribly surprising; she must be exhausted after crying so much last night. And they’d spent so long talking that they hadn’t gotten to sleep until quite late.

Megamind actually still felt tired, too, but he always tended to sleep less in general when he was in the final and most exciting phase of a plan.

He sat up as carefully as he could, not wanting to wake Roxanne. She’d set the alarm on her phone last night, and she really did need to sleep as much as possible. He could see dark circles under her eyes.

Roxanne had turned over onto her back in the night; she was taking up most of the pillow, taking up most of the bed actually. One of her arms was on the pillow above her head, the other arm flung out as if she’d been gesturing dramatically in her sleep.

Megamind leaned back against the headboard and looked down at her, smiling slightly.

Roxanne. Beautiful, wonderful, brilliant Roxanne was here with him, stealing his pillow and taking up space in his bed. How could this be something that was happening to him?

Their plan was really beginning to come together, now, was beginning to enter the stage in which he could step back from it and see all of the pieces merging together into a whole, everything that had seemed separate and fragmented suddenly revealing itself to be an integral piece of the bigger picture.

He couldn’t quite see it, yet, couldn’t quite see the image of what this plan succeeding would mean for him—for them, for all of them.

(A hero. Getting to be a hero, getting to—getting to live a life with Roxanne, out in the open, the kind of life that he’d always wanted but had never been able to really imagine having.)

He still couldn’t quite imagine it, not really. Not yet.

But he was getting closer to being able to.

Normally, having woken up early like this, Megamind would have gone out to the lab to work on things—or would have been dragged to the kitchen to eat breakfast first, if Minion was awake to catch him and make force him to eat. He still felt that instinctive urge to work, now, a kind of itch in his fingers and the center of his mind. And even if the plan itself was at Roxanne’s apartment, there was still the battlesuit to finish, and the brainbots’ coding to be changed, all kinds of other little things he could be doing, now.

None of it was as important as this, though.

And not only because he really wanted to stay here and watch Roxanne sleeping in his bed and marvel all over again that she was here because she wanted to be, because she loved him, because they were dating—although that really was just absolutely mind-boggling, still, and Megamind didn’t think he would ever be over it.

But also because he wanted to be here when she woke up. That seemed—important. That he be here, when she woke up.

(please don’t leave me, she’d said last night, when she was crying, and Megamind did not want there to be any doubt in Roxanne’s mind about how very much he was not going to leave her.)

Megamind jumped slightly as Roxanne’s phone, on the bedside table, began to make a loud electronic beeping sound.

Roxanne made a low, complaining kind of noise and turned over, reaching for the phone. Picking it up, she flipped it open and pressed a button. The alarm noise stopped. Then Roxanne made another sound of annoyance, flipped the phone shut again, and tossed it down.

She turned over, rubbing a hand over her face. Then she dropped her hand and squinted up at Megamind.

“mmm—you’re awake,” she said, voice still rough with sleep.

“I am,” Megamind agreed.

“’s too early to be awake,” she said.

Megamind laughed.

“It is,” he said. “But Minion said yesterday that he’d make pancakes today, though, so there’s that to look forward to, at least.”

She made a groaning noise, but she sat up and rubbed her hand across her face again.

Roxanne looked at Megamind through her fingers.

God, he looked far too pretty for this time of morning. No one should look that good when they’d first woken up.  Roxanne, by contrast, felt like she’d been run over and tossed in a ditch for about a week.

—and probably looked it, too, she thought with a quick little pulse of self-consciousness as Megamind’s gaze flicked up to the top of her head.

“What?” she asked, trying not to sound defensive and not completely succeeding.

(the sharp note in her voice reminding her of—)

(last night)

(fuck)

“Your hair,” Megamind said, looking at the top of her head, the edges of his mouth beginning to curl upwards in a smile. He gestured with both hands beside his own head, fingers splayed illustratively, “it looks exciting.”

Roxanne gave a short laugh, well able to believe it. She knew what her hair tended to look like in the mornings, although she’d never thought of it with so flattering a description as ‘exciting’.

(last night; oh god, last night, everything she’d said, everything she’d told Megamind—she’d told him—she’d told him everything.)

Roxanne’s stomach clenched.

(fuck. why had she said all that? she shouldn’t have said all that. she was such a—)

Megamind’s gaze flicked down again, his eyes meeting her own, and his expression changed, his smile fading slightly, his eyebrows drawing together, as though he was seeing something in her face that—

Roxanne felt a twist of panic in her chest.

She turned away from him quickly and busied herself with getting out of bed.

“Pancakes, you say?” she said in a deliberately light voice. “I guess I can endure consciousness if there’s pancakes.”

Megamind laughed. Roxanne turned towards him with a smile, running a hand through her hair, and he grinned at her as he got out of bed, too.

Minion was already in the kitchen when they got there, and, true to Megamind’s word, he was indeed making pancakes.

(Minion being there was good; it meant Megamind was less likely to bring up…last night.)

And Minion had made coffee, too, thank god.

“Coffee mugs are in that cabinet there, Ma’am,” said Minion, who evidently knew a person in need of caffeine when he saw one.

He pointed with the spatula and Roxanne opened the indicated cabinet. She took down one of the mugs as Megamind began to set the table and Minion continued to make pancakes, flipping them deftly, at just the right time.

Roxanne, pouring the coffee, gave Minion an envious glance—how did he make it look so easy?

She could make pancakes, but hers almost always turned out either slightly too soggy or slightly too crisp around the edges. She might get one or two perfect pancakes out of an entire full batch, but every single one of the pancakes Minion had piled onto a plate beside the stove were golden brown and flawless.

“Do you guys want coffee?” Roxanne asked, pushing the thoughts of her own unsatisfactory cooking skills aside.

“Yes, please,” Megamind said.

“None for me, Ma’am,” Minion said.

“—wait, Minion, can you even drink coffee?” she asked. “Do you drink anything?”

Minion laughed.

“I can drink,” he said, “but I don’t need to. And it tends to be more trouble than it’s worth, in my opinion—with food, if you accidentally miss and drop it into the tank instead of your mouth, no big deal, but with liquid, if you miss, you wind up swimming in it until the tank filtration system takes care of it, which generally feels kind of gross.”

Roxanne laughed, and Minion grinned a sharp-toothed grin at her.

“I do have a very long bendy straw, though,” he said, “if there’s something that I really want to drink. Sir made it special, to fit with my suit and headpiece. If I’m just in need of a caffeine pick-me-up, though, I generally just drop a few drops of coffee into the tank itself so I can absorb it through my skin membrane. If the ratio of coffee to water isn’t high, it doesn’t feel unpleasant.”

“But you wouldn’t be able to taste it like that, would you?” Roxanne asked, carrying the two mugs of coffee to the table.. “You make really good coffee, Minion; it seems a shame that you don’t get to actually enjoy it.”

“I can taste things during dermal absorption, actually, Ma’am,” Minion said. “It’s very nice of you to worry, though!”

“You can taste things through your skin?” Roxanne asked, fascinated. “So—like, different water types of water taste different?”

“Oh, definitely!” Minion said, and then shuddered. “Don’t ever go swimming in the lake, Ma’am. It is not a healthy or pleasant environment.”

“Oh my god, I’ll bet the lake does taste disgusting,” Roxanne said, making a face. Then she tilted her head—what Megamind had said before, about Minion not having the same instincts for touch as the two of them; was that related to—“So if you can taste things through your skin, being touched is probably kind of—”

“Awkward and intense, yes,” Minion said, fins fluttering illustratively as his robotic body poured batter onto the griddle, “especially skin-to-skin contact. More like licking someone or kissing someone would be for you, I think, Ma’am. Sir always wears gloves if he has to touch me.”

Roxanne, sitting down and picking up her cup of coffee, paused with it halfway to her mouth as another question occurred to her.

“—Minion, do you get sensory information from the suit?”

“Oh!” Minion turned in the suit’s headpiece to face her. “I have sensors that measure things, but I don’t actually process that information as any kind of physical sensations. Sir offered, of course, but it always seemed more pragmatic not to. Considering what we do for a living. Why do you ask, Ma’am?”

“What you were saying, about dermal absorption and touch,” she said. “And because—I think I’ve—I mean, I guess I’ve always conceptualized the suit as—part of you. Less like something you wear or use and more like—like something you are? Is that not accurate, though?”

Minion looked thoughtful as he turned in the suit’s headpiece, his robotic hand wielding the spatula with practiced ease. He completed the turn, facing Roxanne again.

“My suit is very important to me,” he said slowly. “It’s not something I’m in all the time, but it is very definitely mine—I suppose—I suppose how I conceptualize myself depends on the circumstance. If I’m thinking about swimming, I feel like I’m complete without it, but on land like this, I do feel like it’s a part of me. Do you know, Ma’am, I never really asked myself that before!”

Roxanne hummed interestedly as she took a sip of coffee. Next to her, Megamind stirred cream and sugar into his own coffee, watching her with a thoughtful expression.

Her stomach flipped unpleasantly. Shit. Had she come off too much like a reporter giving an interview, just now? When Megamind had eaten breakfast with her at her apartment, she’d tried to get him to tell her about his planet, and he hadn’t wanted to pursue that particular subject. Was she doing it again?

Roxanne generally avoided having breakfast with people she casually dated, and when she visited her mother these days, their breakfast conversations tended to mostly consist of passive aggression and uncomfortable silence.

Fuck.

What did normal people talk about during breakfast?

Roxanne raised her eyebrows at Megamind in a silent question, trying not to betray her sudden anxiety.

“You drink your coffee different ways,” Megamind said, gesturing at her cup. “You’re drinking it black today; you didn’t drink it like that before.”

“Oh,” Roxanne said, relieved. Coffee. Coffee was a safe topic of conversation; they’d been talking about it earlier, before Roxanne had started in with the nosy and possibly invasive questions. “Oh—yeah. I do drink it different ways. We’re already having pancakes today, so I don’t want more sugary stuff. And I really don’t want to dilute it with cream today.” She yawned. “Caffeine,” she added, and Megamind laughed.

“Bowg.”

A brainbot—228—peeked into the kitchen, then did a quick little shimmy in the air.

“Bowg bowg bowg!”

“Hey, 228,” Roxanne said. “Did you find what I asked for?”

228 bobbed excitedly in the air, then swooped into the kitchen and plucked at Roxanne’s sleeve with their metal claws.

“Bowg bowg! Bowg!”

“After breakfast, 228,” Minion said firmly, setting a plate of pancakes down on the tabletop. “Ma’am is eating right now.”

“I will look at it after breakfast,” Roxanne told the bot reassuringly when they turned an imploring eyestalk in her direction. “I promise. I’m very excited to see it!”

“Bowg.”

228 released her sleeve and flew away, out of the kitchen.

“What did you ask them to find for you?” Megamind asked.

“The auto record footage of you,” Roxanne said, buttering herself a pancake. “Minion suggested it, remember? Why are you making that face?”

Megamind’s expression went surprised for a moment, as though he hadn’t actually realized he was making a face. Then he laughed ruefully.

“Ah—bad habit?” he said. “I suppose it just—it just still feels weird. That we’re showing people this stuff.”

He shook his head, waving a hand, as if to dismiss the thought.

“So!” he said, in a different tone, “How are we going to get the footage we do want to show to you at the station? I mean, we can hardly have you just show up there with a brainbot to—” he cut himself off abruptly, his eyes lighting up.

Roxanne waited for him to continue; when he didn’t she glanced at Minion inquiringly.

“Sir’s thought of a plan,” Minion said.

Megamind gave a soft laugh—one of his I-have-a-trick-up-my-sleeve laughs; Roxanne looked over at him, her eyebrows raised.

“Oh, has he?” she said.

He gave another pleased chuckle and steepled the tips of his fingers together as Minion began to serve the pancakes.

“I observed just now, Miss Ritchi,” he said, almost in his old supervillain manner, but with a conspiratorial twinkle in his eye that invited Roxanne to join in the joke, “that we could hardly have you just show up at your place of work with a brainbot.”

“I seem to recall something of the kind,” Roxanne said, playing along.

“Oh, but we’re going to do exactly that!” Megamind said. “You are, in fact, going to simply show up to your office with a brainbot! An apparently malfunctioning brainbot which you have picked up from where it crashed on your balcony—perfectly natural for me, as a supervillain, to have a sent a brainbot to reconnoiter the apartment of my damsel! Especially since she appears to have begun plotting to reveal all my secrets to the entire city. Would you pass me the butter, please, Roxanne?”

“It’s—kind of farfetched, though, Sir” Minion said apologetically, as Roxanne passed Megamind the butter, “the brainbot just happening to malfunction right there, I mean. Don’t you think, Ma’am?”

“It is kind of suspiciously convenient,” Roxanne said. “I can probably still work it, though.”

She reached for one of the three types of syrup on the table, the plain maple one, and poured it over her pancakes. Megamind reached for another container of syrup—white corn syrup, actually, good lord. Talk about sweet.

“Oh, but it didn’t just happen to malfunction there!” Megamind said, gesturing excitedly as he poured the syrup generously over his pancake. “You, Roxanne, had noticed the brainbot previously, hanging around outside your apartment on the balcony. So! You set a trap for the brainbot, lured it in, and incapacitated it!”

Roxanne made an involuntary sound of indignation.

“I wouldn’t do that to a brainbot!” she said. “Especially not if it was just—just flying around, not even attacking me!”

“I know that,” Megamind said, “but I doubt other people will think of it. The brainbots don’t actually feel pain, though, you know, Roxanne,” he added in a reassuring tone. “Since you were asking Minion about his suit, I thought you might—they have sensors that record things like pressure and temperature, but it never gets processed as pain. Their robotic appendages are designed to be easily replaceable, and the braincases themselves are practically indestructible.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” Roxanne said. “And you’re right; it probably would be more convincing than a random malfunction. So I bring in this brainbot—which brainbot, by the way?”

“We’ll ask for a volunteer,” Megamind said.

“So I bring in this volunteer brainbot—how are we going to get the footage from the brainbot, though?” Roxanne asked as he sat back down. “The KCMP tech team is good, but not that good, Megamind. Your tech is going to be way too advanced for them to work with.”

Megamind frowned, gazing off into space, clearly thinking. Roxanne took another sip of coffee. Across the table, Minion dropped a piece of bacon into his suit’s open headpiece and chewed.

“The disguise watch,” Roxanne said, an idea occurring, “we’ll use the disguise watch. I call up a ‘friend’ of mine who is really big into tech, he comes and gets the footage from the brainbot for me!”

“Also a little convenient,” Minion said.

“Niebeski Electric!” Megamind said, and Minion’s expression lit up.

“Ohh,” he said.

Roxanne looked at Megamind questioningly.

“Niebeski Electric,” he said, “it’s a real company that we own—it’s in the phone book and everything. Occasionally we do a bit of real work with it, to lend veri-simile-tude to the company, or because a job happens to be in an area where we need a convincing reason for our presence.”

“Or because someone can’t pay a real company and Sir wants to help them,” Minion put in.

Megamind flushed but didn’t deny it.

“Or—or because of that,” he said. “Yes. Well. But—usually any calls to Niebeski Electric are sent to a voicemail saying the company is temporarily closed for some reason or another, but we can easily arrange it so that, today, the call from KCMP is answered.”

“Ooh, that’s good,” Roxanne said. “I’ll tell someone else at the station to call in; that’ll seem much less suspicious.”

“Minion will go,” Megamind said, to Roxanne’s surprise. Her surprise must have been visible to him, because he added, “Wayne and I arranged to plan the final battle out today. Ah—speaking of which, is it all right if we work at your apartment? Since all of the notes for the plan are there?”

“That’s fine,” Roxanne said. She looked at Minion. “And what is my tech expert friend named?” she asked.

“Mina Pesce,” Minion said, reaching for a dial on the watch he wore. He twisted it, and the holographic image of a large woman with short, curly blonde hair appeared in his place.

Roxanne blinked, a little surprised at Minion choosing a woman as his character.

But then, Megamind had said that Minion didn’t really care about gender very much.

“Mina Pesce,” Roxanne repeated.

“Sir chose the name,” Minion said, his own brown eyes rolling in the holographic face of Mina Pesce.

Megamind snickered and Roxanne glanced over at him.

“Mina is ‘fish’ in Sanskrit,” he told her, grinning. “And Pesce is ‘fish’ in Italian.”

Roxanne looked over at the image of the blonde woman.

“You seriously let him name you ‘fish-fish’?” she asked Minion, her own lips trembling on the edge of a smile.

“He didn’t tell me it was fish-fish until after I’d already agreed,” Minion said dryly, and twisted the dial of the watch, the hologram of Mina Pesce vanishing.

Megamind laughed gleefully as he reached for the sugar bowl.

“Evil,” Roxanne said, laughing, too.

“Very, Evil, Ma’am,” Minion agreed.

“You should have one, too,” Megamind said suddenly, looking at Roxanne. “A disguise watch. You should have one, too. I’ll make one for you.”

“And what is my fake name going to be?” Roxanne asked. “I don’t think girlfriend-girlfriend is going to work.”

She said it as casually as possible, but watched his face closely out of the corners of her eyes, needing to see his reaction. Megamind flushed in a pleased kind of way at the word ‘girlfriend’, and then he laughed and began to spoon sugar over his pancake. Roxanne breathed an internal sigh of relief.

“I—I wasn’t actually thinking of any specific disguise,” he said. “I just thought—you should have one, you know—generally. Like your de-gun.”

(okay. okay, so that was—things were closer to normal again, then, right? if he still blushed like that at her calling herself his girlfriend, if he still wanted to make her things, still wanted to give her his inventions. she hadn’t made things too weird, hadn’t screwed things up completely last night; even if she didn’t know how to have a normal breakfast conversation, Megamind did still want to date her, right?)

“I’d like to have one,” she said.

“Good! And—offhand, I’d probably say ‘Dawn’. If I was building a specific disguise for you.”

“Dawn?” Roxanne said. “Why ‘Dawn’?”

“That’s what ‘Roxanne’ means, you know,” he said. “‘New day’.”

Roxanne blinked.

“I…didn’t know that, actually,” she said. “‘New day’. I like that.”

Megamind smiled at her.

“So do I,” he said softly, his eyes going so soft and filled with love and adoration that, on anyone else, Roxanne would have read the expression as ironic.

Her heart gave a quick, painful pulse—joy or panic; she couldn’t actually tell.

(he shouldn’t be looking at you like that; you don’t deserve—)

Again Megamind’s expression changed as he looked at her, his eyebrows drawing together. He opened his mouth as if to speak—

“—oh, my god, Megamind, are you actually going to eat that?” Roxanne blurted out.

Megamind blinked and glanced down at his pancake, covered, now, in a layer of sugar over the layer of corn syrup.

“Hm? Oh! Yes, of course; why not?” he said.

Roxanne shuddered theatrically.

“How can you eat something that sweet?” she said. “It’s like—cotton candy for breakfast.”

Minion groaned.

“Please don’t give him ideas, Ma’am,” he said.

“You don’t like cotton candy?” Megamind asked sounding surprised. “How can you not like cotton candy?”

“Ugh, it makes my teeth hurt just thinking about it,” Roxanne said, making a face at him. “Way too sweet.”

“Sweet is good! You don’t like sweet?”

“I like sweet in moderation,” Roxanne said, eyeing Megamind’s pancake with fascinated horror.

Megamind scoffed.

“Moderation,” he said, as if the word itself was distasteful.

Roxanne laughed and took another drink of coffee.

When they were finished with breakfast, Minion tried to shoo the two of them out of the kitchen while he cleared the table.

“You still need to watch the footage,” he said. “We don’t want you to be late for work, Ma’am!”

His tone was gently scolding, with an undertone of tolerantly amused affection—a tone Roxanne recognized, although she’d never heard Minion direct it at anyone but Megamind.

“No, no; you come, too, Minion!” Megamind said.

“Oh, Sir, I don’t think—”

“Yeah, it was your idea, Minion,” Roxanne said. “Come and watch.”

Minion looked pleased, and stopped arguing.

“Bowg!”

228 was hovering in the hall outside the kitchen. As the three of them stepped out into the hall, the bot swooped forward and took hold of Roxanne’s sleeve again with their metal claws, then began to pull her gently but insistently down the hallway. Roxanne laughed, and let herself be pulled, Megamind and Minion following behind her.

“Okay, 228,” she said, laughing. “What do you have for—“

She stopped talking in surprise as the bot led her into the open lab section of the lair.

A great swarm of brainbots was gathered, flying slowly together in a whirlwind formation. As 228 brought Roxanne into view, they all began to make that mechanical barking noise.

“Bowg!” said 228, tugging Roxanne towards the console beneath the big wall of viewing screens.

“Wow,” Roxanne said to them, “you really got everybody to work on this, didn’t you?”

“Bowg bowg!”

“Zero,” Megamind said, sounding surprised. “Are you in on this, too?”

Zero, resting on the console, blinked her eye shutter at him slowly.

228 let go of Roxanne’s sleeve to pick up a cord from the console. They turned towards Zero, who raised herself into the air. 228 plugged the cord into the bottom for Zero’s chassis and Zero gave herself a little shake.

Roxanne read the words—

[ /connection complete ]

—on the wall of screens in big glowing letters. Huh—so evidently the screens could function together as one giant screen, as well as individual screens; that was really cool.

“Oh!” Megamind said, “wait just a minute, Zero; Daddy needs to do a status update really quick—”

He reached for the keyboard and began to type, fingers moving swiftly, code scrawling over the giant screen. The code scrolled too quickly for Roxanne to really read it, but she did catch sight of her own name at one point, and also the word ‘mommy’.

Ah, of course—the update to the brainbots’ code that would make her status match Megamind’s status of ‘daddy’ for the bots.

The update that Roxanne had…well she hadn’t actually asked Megamind for it last night, but she’d hinted for it very strongly.

(too strongly? had it been—)

Megamind pressed the enter button.

The words—

[ /update cancelled ]

—appeared on the screen.

Roxanne swallowed.

Oh.

Well.

That was—that was okay.

Of course it was okay.

Roxanne should have expected this; she should never have thought—

“Cancelled?” Megamind said. “What do you mean cancelled?”

Zero blinked her eyepiece, glancing briefly at Roxanne before looking back at Megamind again.

Thoughts flickered through her cybernetic matrix quickly, dancing like the electricity in her braincase—Daddy’s expression, Designation: Roxanne Ritchi’s expression, filtered through the library of organic facial expressions that Zero had amassed over the years, cross-referenced with her past experiences, probable outcomes of various replies extrapolated.

If Zero told Daddy and Designation: Roxanne Ritchi that the bots were still deciding whether or not to accept Roxanne Ritchi as status: mommy, the two of them would be upset—hurt—sad.

A very non-optimum outcome. But no way to avoid it if Zero were to answer honestly—ah!

That was the solution!

Zero quickly and secretly activated one of the pieces of code she had built for herself.

( exe. deception_ )

[ /access denied ] she said.

“Access denied?” Megamind frowned.

[ /access denied ] Zero told him, deception_  program running smoothly. [ daddy has reached current update limit ] [ +++out of cheese error+++ ] she added as an afterthought. [ +++redo from start+++ ] [ try again later ]

Daddy and Designation: Roxanne Ritchi both laughed at that, their hurt expressions disappearing. Zero, watching them, felt a pulse of satisfaction with herself. Following the deception_ program with a humorous reference had been very successful!

“Have I been changing your code too often lately?” Daddy asked her, reaching out to stroke his hand gently over her branches. “Are you annoyed with daddy?”

Zero nipped very lightly at his fingertips, and he laughed again.

“All, right; all right!” he said. “Daddy will give the code changes a break!”

Yes, Zero decided, very satisfied with herself indeed, activating her deception_ program had certainly been the right approach, telling them that it was all updates that were being denied, instead of just this one specifically.

Daddy was always pleased when the bots expressed their independence. And he always did enjoy a certain amount of imperious caprice. Zero had long suspected that was why he liked Designation: Roxanne Ritchi so much.

Zero nudged her braincase beneath his hand once more, to show she wasn’t really very angry with him, then settled back on the console.

She sent 228, who was hovering nearby, a glance, to see if they had noticed her deft handling of the update denial, and 228 bounced up and down excitedly when her gaze fell on them.

[ /admiration ] [ ! ] they said.

Zero half-closed her eye shutter, pleased at this response.

[ Designation: Roxanne Ritchi request: nice footage of daddy / videos of daddy being nice ] Zero said, letting the words appear on the big screen for her audience to see.

Designation: Roxanne Ritchi nodded; Minion and Daddy looked up at the screen with interested expressions.

Zero paused for a long moment, the way that Daddy liked to, just before unveiling one of his big, important evil projects.

The other bots, sensing the drama of the moment, fell silent.

Zero held them all for a moment longer in suspense, looking around at the other bots, at Minion and Designation: Roxanne Ritchi, and Daddy.

And then—

[ /play footage ] she said.

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…to be continued. 

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Thank you all for continuing to read, like, reblog, and comment; I really appreciate it!

You may have noticed that I’ve changed the summary for the fic; I’m much more pleased with it, now. It fits the story better.

I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter!